Lessons in Sympathy

I'll be honest. Psychology major that I was, I never really comprehended the idea of depression as a legitimate physiological illness. Like much of psychology, the evidence just always seemed a little too circumstantial for my taste. I sympathized with the large percentage of the population that at one point suffers from depression, but I never truly considered it an illness. Everyone feels "depressed" once in a while - I just figured that "depression" was a long-term case. Serotonin and norepinephrine be damned.

Then it happened to me and my perceptions have begun to shift dramatically. The difference between sympathy and empathy is everything. When you reach a state where you are constitutionally unable to control your racing mind, where you try desperately to figure out what's wrong but can't put a finger on anything specific, where you feel like you're making everyone else around you miserable, and where trying desperately to enjoy the obviously good times in life only results in more misery - when you reach that state, you know you're more than just really sad. Saying that I was sick began to feel less like a bad excuse and more like the truth that might be my only path back to normalcy.

It seems like this lesson keeps recurring in my life. You really can't ever know what someone's life is like until you've been in their shoes. Where I would have felt badly for those suffering from depression prior to all this, I still would have blamed them somewhere in the back of my head. It just isn't real - it can't be real - until you've experienced it for yourself. And that goes for more than just depression. The only thing we can really do when sympathy is our only option is to remember this and to prevent ourselves from judging situations and behaviors we can't and don't understand. It's a lesson I need to remember on a much more regular basis.

Now for the good part - in terms of all that brain chemistry stuff of which I was so suspicious as an undergrad. From the experience that I've had so far, it's true. An imbalance in those chemicals really can mess you up, just like a virus can make your head hurt and your temperature rise. Your brain CAN be sick, and restoring the balance can be enough to help bring you back to life. I'm not there yet, but I'm on the way, and feeling like I'm off that terrifying roller coaster is a tremendous relief. No longer feeling like I'm completely crazy and unable to understand why has also been crucial. And I'm truly beginning to understand the undeniable connection between the events in a person's life and her health. But more than anything, I'm learning to appreciate the beauty of feeling like myself. You never know what you have until it's gone...